If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. And I will continue to say it. I’m a woo. I love the challenge of meeting new people, making friends, and winning others over. For me, meeting people and making friends is thrilling. It’s an adventure. A high.
It’s always been easy for me to make friends and it’s something I am proud of. My ability to win others over and build friendships is part of who I am. You don’t typically see me without someone by my side.
I like to think that my personality attracts others and that is why I have a tendency to make many friends and why I can jump from group to group. But I have never thought about what actually goes into making friends. Until recently.
As I continue to assess my values and the things that make me tick, I realize that the things that I value are things that I see in others-especially those closest to me. The most important aspects of my life are shared with the most important people in my life. I see my values embodied in the character traits of my friends.
I am not trying to brag or to scream about the multitude of friends that I have. The intention of this post is not that at all. I just want to explore the inner workings of friendships and how friendships evolve over time as we as individuals evolve and transform as we experience the world around us.
I believe friendship is fluid. It is something that takes work and constantly changes. We have the ability to put thought and effort into friendships and to change our minds about friends at any time. I believe that the roles that our friends play in our lives are fluid as well. People enter and exit our lives at different points for a reason. The role that they played years ago may be different from the role they currently play in your life.
I have best friends, ride or dies, close friends, acquaintances and friends-of-friends, convenient friends, and even online friends.
I have childhood friends, high school classmates, college roommates, and colleagues that I consider friends. Each one serves a different purpose in my life. Each one is wildly different from the next and is valuable to me in a vastly different way.
I believe we have relationships with different people for different reasons. Friends come and go at different times of your life. And sometimes this is hard to grasp. In fact, I really struggle with this concept. As a woo, I fight so hard to build a relationship and cultivate it so that it grows, and sometimes I feel like I put far more investment into my relationships than others. That’s fine, but it can be exhausting too.
When I moved to South Dakota, I knew no one. This was exciting. It meant there was a new challenge. A time to build new relationships and make new friends. That’s exactly how I approached this move. And I have made some amazing new friends in the short time that I have lived in Vermillion.
In reverse of this, moving far away meant long-distance relationships with all of my friends from Michigan. I didn’t think anything of this at the time. I was so excited to try something new and I felt so strongly about the relationships that I had with my friends that I didn’t think that the distance would be a big deal or that maintaining our relationships would be difficult. I was wrong.
It takes a lot of work to maintain long-distance relationships. I see why long-distance romantic relationships don’t always work out. I totally get it now.
I guess these thoughts have crossed my mind because I just spent the majority of my spring break by myself and while it was refreshing, it was also lonely. Suddenly it felt like all of my friends were gone. I realized this week how convenient college is and how you become friends with people because they literally live with you and you see them every day. This is not what it is like in the real world and I am not sure that I am emotionally ready for this absence of friends. I realized how much work I put into the relationships with those around me as well as the relationships with my friends from home.
I was reminded of this post I saw a while ago. I have followed Jedidiah Jenkins on Instagram for some time now, and I am often inspired by his words. It is people like him who reiterate my love for language, words, and the power of voice. In this post he writes about friends, and this concept of “friendlies”. I saved this post as a reminder for moments like this-when I am feeling the inconveniences of long-distance relationships and maintaining friendships as an adult.
I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that if you’re reading this, you probably know me pretty well. We have a friendship, a relationship that is special. One that is far different from any friendship that I have with anyone else. Know that I value you. I love you. And even if I don’t call, text, or write you every day-or even every month-I still consider you a friend. I know that you are here to serve a purpose and bring something of value to my life-and I yours. It may be guidance, a listening ear, laughter, advice for the future, a refined sense of adventure, or a new music selection. Whatever your role in this friendship, I appreciate it. Thank you!
Huge shout out to my supervisor, Sarah, for shedding some light on adulting and maintaining friendships. I appreciate you listening and pulling me out of my spring break funk.
Remember…find your tribe and stick with them.